


The More Things Change

by Viridian5



Category: Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place
Genre: Bodyswitch, Episode Related, Genderfuck, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-11
Updated: 1999-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:42:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Berg takes advantage of Pete and a once in a lifetime opportunity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The More Things Change

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Halloween 2 -- Mind Over Body."
> 
> This story is a big ball of wrong, the wrongest of the wrong. Welcome to this year's _Two Guys_ annual Halloween non-canon insanity episode. I could not believe what I was seeing. Nor could I believe it would take Berg as long as it did to see the possibilities in what had happened to them, so I decided that what we saw in the episode was him yanking Johnny and Sharon's chains later.

Berg closed the door to Pete's room behind him... behind her? "Sharon's in the living room trying to convince herself that Johnny can fix this somehow, while Ashley's taking a piss. How are you holding up, Pete?"

Pete finally let himself explode the way he'd wanted to from the moment he'd first regained consciousness. "Aside from the fact that some nutcase mad scientist from our basement has switched all our bodies? Aside from the thought that I might have to be a woman for the rest of my life, let alone being one in Ashley's body? I sound like Katherine Hepburn. And, God, is her body uncomfortable. Is she this bloated, crampy, and irritable all the time? If so, she makes more sense now. Why do you have that smirk on your face?"

"Uh, no reason. You're just lucky Ed switched us tonight instead of Monday. Carry on."

"All right. Aside from the mental image of Ashley handling my _cock_ as she takes a piss in my body? Aside from... aside from having to hear her voice saying my words every time I talk?"

"You already brought up the Hepburn issue."

"Well then, I'm just fine, Berg."

"We'll get through somehow. We've weaseled our way out of weird situations before."

It was so damned odd watching Berg living in Sharon's body. She currently had his cocky fox grin and crinkling eyes. She walked like a man, like Berg, if Berg had been a diminutive blonde woman in leather pants. Which he was, right now.

For a while, Pete had convinced himself that he loved Sharon as someone more than a friend; sometimes he still felt twinges of that. Seeing his lover in her body set off all kinds of wrongness alarms inside him.

Berg sat down on the bed next to Pete and put his _//yes,_ his_//_ hand on Pete's shoulder. Sharon's fingers, especially the one with the engagement ring on it, but Berg's touch. "We'll be fine, Pete." Stroking fingers...

"Are you putting the moves on me? Now?"

"You know, you suddenly make much more sense now that you're a woman. Ow! You don't want to hit Sharon, do you?"

"You're insane."

"You can't tell me you've never been turned on by the thought of two women together."

"I wasn't one of the women!"

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!"

"We hope! Look, even if this didn't freak me out, the thought of us having sex while I'm wearing your girlfriend's body is disturbing on too many levels."

"I wonder how Ashley would be in your body..."

"Berg! I don't think Sharon would appreciate you being a slut with her body. Even if she did put on those leather pants. And the thought of Ashley fucking you with my body makes me want to puke, okay?"

Head down, Sharon's blond hair made it hard to see Berg's expression. "I'm a little scared too, okay? I just don't deal with it the same way."

Was it honesty or a con? Either way, Pete leaned in to comfort... and Berg grabbed him. The kiss was all Berg, even if the flavor of lipstick and a different toothpaste weren't. His roommate's hands swept down his spine in a way that usually made him crazy with lust but now only felt nice. Berg frowned against his lips, then did something to the back of his neck that should have done nothing but this time just about set him on fire.

Pete shuddered as he realized he was reacting to _Ashley's_ sweet spots. "Is she always this easy?" He ached with lust in places he'd never felt it before, deeper. _//Of course.//_

"It's connected to the bloating and irritability. Trust me."

Trusting Berg was the worst thing anyone could do. Pete almost put it together, but then Berg started to rub one of his nipples, and he was gone. _//Right. Breasts.//_

Pete still tried to think. "Johnny could come back at any minute."

"Oh, what could Johnny do to fix this? He just a repairman. A handsome repairman..."

"Berg!"

"I'm a doctor, so is Ashley, and we can't figure out how to reverse what Ed did to us. How could Johnny?"

"I don't mean that. I mean, he'll be back soon, and he'll want to see us all in one place. I don't think he would appreciate seeing you fuck me with his fiancée's body."

"Maybe he'd want to watch."

"For about a minute. Then he'd remember it's you using her body and--"

"And what? Beat the crap out of me? He'd be beating the crap out of Sharon if he did."

Berg pulled up Pete's _//Ashleys'//_ vest and blouse to kiss Pete's bare stomach. It was Sharon's blond head teasing him... To his horror, Pete realized that he was wet, and it took him a moment to remember that women did that from lust. And he was a woman. And he had his knees already spread wide like a whore's.

"Ash-- Pete, you are so hot like this."

"I'm going to kick you, Berg!"

"No, you won't."

Berg had Pete's pants down. Pete couldn't look. Just knowing that he was missing his cock was bad enough; having to see himself emasculated would have been unbearable. But then Berg went down on him, and it was indescribable. He wanted to make some noise, but it seemed that Ashley's body was just incapable of that. _//And I thought it was just her. Apartment walls are too thin...//_ Then he couldn't think over what that tongue was doing to him. _//If this is what oral sex feels like to a woman, no wonder Katie left me when I refused.//_ Or maybe Berg was just really talented. _//Knew that.//_ Or both.

Berg did something with his teeth, and Pete came hard and deep. When he could open his eyes, he had to look down. Berg smiled, his Sharon-lips slick, before sliding his fingers in. Pete gasped as the pleasure started to build again. Again?

Oh hell. "Harder, Berg." Damned Hepburn voice. But it sounded great giving commands.

Berg obeyed, and his fingers thrust hard and deep, even as one of his other fingers stroked Pete's clit. As Pete drowned under the sensations, he wished Berg was still Berg. He'd love to know how different Berg's cock felt when it was thrusting into this body than when it was thrusting into his own, into his ass. That thought and the fingers brought him over again, in radiating waves of bliss.

"Okay, Pete, now it's my--"

"Hey, what are you guys doing in there?" Sharon asked through the door in Berg's voice. Sort of. She made Berg's voice sound higher and softer. And far more annoying.

"Nothing! Just talking!" Berg answered. He whispered to Pete, "My voice isn't really that irritating, is it? It's what she's doing with it, right? Oh God, I just want one orgasm with this body. Just one. Well, not really, but I'd settle for one, okay?"

"You two better not be screwing with my body!"

"Busted," Pete whispered huskily. He felt great, like he was glowing all over.

"I'm counting to three, then I'm coming in. One!"

They heard her start to pick the lock. "Shit!" Berg hissed. He wiped his lips. "Get dressed, Pete. And get that grin off your face! You're Ashley, remember? This is so unfair!"

"Let me get my violin," Pete whispered with a smirk.

"Two!"

Pete pulled his pants back on and clumsily redid them. _//I'm more used to _undoing_ women's pants.//_

"Three!" Sharon burst through the door in Berg's body. Seeing her like that almost freaked Pete out more than seeing Berg in hers.

"We were just talking." Berg pouted. "Your body is screw-free."

### End


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